TONIGHT’S VERSE: “Train up a child in the way he should go, And when he is old he will not depart from it.” (Proverbs 22:6)
The Bible is full of helpful, practical advice on what to do and what not to do in raising children. We are warned about the dangers of withholding discipline, and yet we are also cautioned not to be overly strict and cause them to become resentful or filled with despair.
Truth be told, there is no such thing as a perfect parent. We are all sinners and we all make mistakes. But the important thing is that we create a culture of grace in our homes, where healthy communication, Biblical principles, and spiritual formation become staples of everyday life.
One Biblical principle that is often misunderstood for an absolute promise is found in Proverbs 22:6. It is a well-known verse that parents of older children often cling to when they watch their children go through times of rebellion or struggle: “Train up a child in the way he should go, And when he is old he will not depart from it.”
It is a heartbreaking experience to watch your son or daughter abandon the way of life that was modeled and taught to them as they grew up in a God-fearing home. No one knows why it happens, but somehow, they must come to grips with what they believe on their own, and part of that process may unfortunately involve a difficult season of poor decisions and painful consequences.
We can only imagine how the father felt in the Biblical story of the prodigal, watching his son walk away. It must have been gut-wrenching. Many parents today who see their sons and daughters rebel feel the same way. But if they come back, like the prodigal son did in the story, there is profound rejoicing.
- Then Jesus said: “A certain man had two sons. And the younger of them said to his father, ‘Father, give me the portion of goods that falls to me.’ So he divided to them his livelihood. And not many days after, the younger son gathered all together, journeyed to a far country, and there wasted his possessions with prodigal living. But when he had spent all, there arose a severe famine in that land, and he began to be in want. Then he went and joined himself to a citizen of that country, and he sent him into his fields to feed swine. And he would gladly have filled his stomach with the pods that the swine ate, and no one gave him anything. “But when he came to himself, he said, ‘How many of my father’s hired servants have bread enough and to spare, and I perish with hunger! I will arise and go to my father, and will say to him, “Father, I have sinned against heaven and before you, and I am no longer worthy to be called your son. Make me like one of your hired servants.” ’ “And he arose and came to his father. But when he was still a great way off, his father saw him and had compassion, and ran and fell on his neck and kissed him. And the son said to him, ‘Father, I have sinned against heaven and in your sight, and am no longer worthy to be called your son.’ “But the father said to his servants, ‘Bring out the best robe and put it on him, and put a ring on his hand and sandals on his feet. And bring the fatted calf here and kill it, and let us eat and be merry; for this my son was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.’ And they began to be merry.” (Luke 15:11-24)
All of this forces us to examine Proverbs 22:6. At first glance it seems to indicate that if a child who is raised well falls into rebellion, it is only a matter of time before they are guaranteed to return to what is right. But this misses the nature of a proverb.
Others interpret it differently, saying that training a child “in the way he should go” merely means to train him or her according to their natural bent or tendencies (e.g., “strong-willed” or “insecure”). When understood this way, it would therefore communicate that we should train them according to their own predisposed path. But this understanding does not match the overall themes of the book.
The book of Proverbs makes it clear that there is a “right path” and a “wrong path,” and one is the way of the wise and the other is the way of the fool. The “right path” requires the parent to exercise much hard work, training, and discipline in order to train the child to walk in it. And the reason this is a lot of work is because the child’s natural tendencies are usually of the flesh due to the inherent sin nature that we are born with. As one commentator has rightly noted, “It is hard to explain why a natural bent needs training.”
? What is this proverb saying?
Does it intend to communicate that raising a child in the “right path” is an absolute guarantee that he or she will always come back to it no matter what kind of temporary rebellion may take place? Not necessarily. But to understand why this is not a guarantee, one has to understand the nature of the book of Proverbs. Most proverbs are principles, not promises. There are general insights and truisms based on observation and experience, but there are not meant to be universal guarantees that will come to pass 100 percent of the time.
The goal of Proverbs 22:6 is to admonish us to train our children, especially in the “way of wisdom,” which is the proper “way he should go.” This is none other than “God’s” path, the way of righteousness. Therefore, the proverb suggests that as a matter of historical observation, when this kind of training is consistently done, it usually brings positive results, especially when the child grows older and comes of age.
John MacArthur (Pastor of Grace Community Church, Sun Valley, California) – When Proverbs 22:6 speaks of the “way he should go,” it is speaking of the only one right way, God’s way, the way of life. That way is specified in great detail in Proverbs. Since it is unquestionable and self-evident that early training secures lifelong habits, parents must insist upon this way, teaching God’s Word and enforcing it with loving discipline consistently throughout the child’s upbringing.
Deuteronomy 4:9 says, “Only take heed to yourself, and diligently keep yourself, lest you forget the things your eyes have seen, and lest they depart from your heart all the days of your life. And teach them to your children and your grandchildren.”
Joshua 24:15 says, “And if it seems evil to you to serve the Lord, choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve, whether the gods which your fathers served that were on the other side of the River, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land you dwell. But as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.”
Ephesians 6:4 says, “And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord.”
The writer of proverbs is stating a longstanding general principle about raising children that is just as true today as it was back then. Hearts and minds are shaped at an early age, and children imitate what they see.
So when godly parents create a culture at home where they exercise healthy, formative, and corrective discipline on their children, it will most likely result in healthy thinking and behaviors as they grow older. Again, this not a hard-and-fast promise, but a general principle that stems out of years of observation and experience.
THE MAIN POINT OF PROVERBS 22:6 – This proverb encourages parents to train their children, but does not guarantee that if they do so their children will never stray or even become Christians. This insight into the form of the proverb is particularly important for parents to grasp when their adult children have not turned out well; otherwise, the verse becomes a sledgehammer of guilt – a purpose that it was not intended to carry. On the other side, the proverb should not become a reason for pride if one’s children turn out well either. The proverb is simply an encouragement to do the right thing when it comes to raising one’s children.
If you’re a parent, don’t lose hope. Keep modeling the faith. Even if your children are grown up and out of the house such that your daily influence is minimal, keep walking faithfully. And if at some point you failed in the past, admit it (even to your children) and make a vow to change. Children still see into the hearts of their parents, no matter how old they are.
Session 14, Wednesday, April 12th – Guarding Your heart